Room 504, Friday Evening

[intraspective]

After talking to Hurley, Ino was glad to wander back to the room she shared with Zack—that was still weird to her, that she couldn’t say it was just her room anymore—and collapse on her bed.

Yay. A week gone by and she hadn’t—been weird and issuey at people other than... well, Bod had gotten a bit, but he hadn’t seemed to care and Ino just... wasn’t going to push that. All right, fine, and so on. She was fine.

Repression was probably bad, yes. Ino closed her eyes briefly, then sat up and stared at the open door. She should shut it. But that seemed like far too much work and instead she fumbled for one of her notebooks. A pen.

If she was thinking, she didn’t have to think.

It made sense to her.

[Open door, open post.]

Comments

[sorella-vecchia.livejournal.com]

"Oh." Triela blinked.

"Why?" It... well, for all she saw that it mattered to the people around her, she just didn't understand.

And she was surprised to find herself wanting to.

[intraspective]

Ino chewed on her lower lip.

"Because... when he's happy, I'm happy. So the effort it takes to make him happy is--important to me."

[sorella-vecchia.livejournal.com]

"So... sort of like me and Hilshire." Only not really very similar at all.

[intraspective]

...

Ino wrinkled her nose up in distaste.

"My clothing tastes wouldn't change 'cause a superior or a working partner liked me better in different colours."

[sorella-vecchia.livejournal.com]

"Well... it's more than that." Triela frowned, trying to explain. "Henrietta says that what we feel for our handlers is love. Maybe she's right, I don't know. But I know that I want to... make him proud. Make him approve."

Not exactly what Ino was talking about here, Triela.

[intraspective]

She shook her head.

"That's more like... a teacher or a parent sort of love," she said, struggling to explain. "What I'm talking about is... a different sort of love."

[sorella-vecchia.livejournal.com]

"But it sounds like the same thing," Triela complained. "You want to make the other person happy."

There couldn't be more to it. It was already confusing enough already!

[intraspective]

"It's different," Ino insisted. "Do you... do you want to make Henrietta happy, for instance, the same way you'd want to make Hilshire happy?"

[sorella-vecchia.livejournal.com]

Triela blinked.

"No," she had to admit. "Henrietta needs to be protected. Watched out for. Hilshire..." Well, she'd never say it out loud, but he could take care of himself.

Most of the time, at least.

[intraspective]

"Just like that," Ino said, with a nod. "My affection for my friends is different from my respect for my superiors both of which are different from my ties to my parents which are against different to the way I feel about Zack."

Feelings were complicated.

[sorella-vecchia.livejournal.com]

Some people might call the expression on Triela's face a pout. It wasn't, of course. Triela didn't pout.

"That's so complicated. How does anyone manage?"

[intraspective]

"Practice," Ino said, smiling slightly. "And love. If you care 'bout someone... it's worth it, even when it's hard."

[sorella-vecchia.livejournal.com]

"How do you know if you... love someone, then?" Triela asked.

Somehow it was easier talking to Ino about this sort of thing than most people she knew. Ino, at least, could understand where Triela was coming from.

Well, sort of.

[intraspective]

At the very least, Ino never laughed at the questions?

She let her breath out in a sigh.

"When you can't imagine life without them. When you're happier just because they walked into a room. Or called you just to say hello. When seeing something that they'd like in a store makes you smile and think of them. When it hurts you if they hurt because all you want is for them to be happy. When you're proud of them, for what they manage to achieve. When you cry over their failures like they're your own. Any of that. All of that. Every love is different--but every love has an impact on your life."

[sorella-vecchia.livejournal.com]

"Huh."

That was Triela's thinky-face.

[intraspective]

Her lips twisted.

"Don't listen to people who say that love's got to do mostly with kissing and stuff," Ino advised. "It's not--that simple. Love is everything and anything that connects you in a positive way to someone. Friendship is a sort of love."

[sorella-vecchia.livejournal.com]

That... actually sort of made sense. And... didn't exactly make things less complicated, but... made things less complicated.

"Right. So... it's stuff I sort of already understand?" She tried not to sound too hopeful there.

[intraspective]

"Sort of understanding is good," she said bracingly. "No one really gets it all."

[sorella-vecchia.livejournal.com]

Triela seemed to sag a bit. Mostly in relief.

"But most people seem to get it better than I do," she pointed out. That or they faked it. It wasn't like Triela could tell the difference.

[intraspective]

Ino glanced at her.

"That probably is 'cause of the Conditioning," she said bluntly. "Love is about choice."

[sorella-vecchia.livejournal.com]

Wait. Now Triela was confused again.

"How so?" What did choice have to do with wanting others to be happy?

[intraspective]

"You," she said, pointing one finger at Triela. "Don't have free will. Love is--something that happens on it's own. Maybe choice was a bad word. But you've got... so many things in your head that you can't do that you can't manage without disobeying your Conditioning... you don't have free will, not in the same quantities that I have. Or Zack has. We can disobey orders if we want to. You can't. I would guess that that stifles your emotional development."

That was... blunt. Yes.

[sorella-vecchia.livejournal.com]

Triela thought about that. "That makes sense," she decided. "Part of the Conditioning involves a battery of emotional suppressants. Being calm makes for better operatives."

Well, it did when all you wanted was a weapon you could point at targets.

[intraspective]

"Only to a point," Ino said, smiling slightly. "The very best operatives are those who have the skills to manage it perfectly, a level head, and an inner fire of determination."

[sorella-vecchia.livejournal.com]

"I'm quite motivated," Triela pointed out with the sort of flat tone that suggested she wasn't that motivated.