Room 504, Friday Evening

[intraspective]

After talking to Hurley, Ino was glad to wander back to the room she shared with Zack—that was still weird to her, that she couldn’t say it was just her room anymore—and collapse on her bed.

Yay. A week gone by and she hadn’t—been weird and issuey at people other than... well, Bod had gotten a bit, but he hadn’t seemed to care and Ino just... wasn’t going to push that. All right, fine, and so on. She was fine.

Repression was probably bad, yes. Ino closed her eyes briefly, then sat up and stared at the open door. She should shut it. But that seemed like far too much work and instead she fumbled for one of her notebooks. A pen.

If she was thinking, she didn’t have to think.

It made sense to her.

[Open door, open post.]

Comments

[intraspective]

"Practice," Ino said, smiling slightly. "And love. If you care 'bout someone... it's worth it, even when it's hard."

[sorella-vecchia.livejournal.com]

"How do you know if you... love someone, then?" Triela asked.

Somehow it was easier talking to Ino about this sort of thing than most people she knew. Ino, at least, could understand where Triela was coming from.

Well, sort of.

[intraspective]

At the very least, Ino never laughed at the questions?

She let her breath out in a sigh.

"When you can't imagine life without them. When you're happier just because they walked into a room. Or called you just to say hello. When seeing something that they'd like in a store makes you smile and think of them. When it hurts you if they hurt because all you want is for them to be happy. When you're proud of them, for what they manage to achieve. When you cry over their failures like they're your own. Any of that. All of that. Every love is different--but every love has an impact on your life."

[sorella-vecchia.livejournal.com]

"Huh."

That was Triela's thinky-face.

[intraspective]

Her lips twisted.

"Don't listen to people who say that love's got to do mostly with kissing and stuff," Ino advised. "It's not--that simple. Love is everything and anything that connects you in a positive way to someone. Friendship is a sort of love."

[sorella-vecchia.livejournal.com]

That... actually sort of made sense. And... didn't exactly make things less complicated, but... made things less complicated.

"Right. So... it's stuff I sort of already understand?" She tried not to sound too hopeful there.

[intraspective]

"Sort of understanding is good," she said bracingly. "No one really gets it all."

[sorella-vecchia.livejournal.com]

Triela seemed to sag a bit. Mostly in relief.

"But most people seem to get it better than I do," she pointed out. That or they faked it. It wasn't like Triela could tell the difference.

[intraspective]

Ino glanced at her.

"That probably is 'cause of the Conditioning," she said bluntly. "Love is about choice."

[sorella-vecchia.livejournal.com]

Wait. Now Triela was confused again.

"How so?" What did choice have to do with wanting others to be happy?

[intraspective]

"You," she said, pointing one finger at Triela. "Don't have free will. Love is--something that happens on it's own. Maybe choice was a bad word. But you've got... so many things in your head that you can't do that you can't manage without disobeying your Conditioning... you don't have free will, not in the same quantities that I have. Or Zack has. We can disobey orders if we want to. You can't. I would guess that that stifles your emotional development."

That was... blunt. Yes.

[sorella-vecchia.livejournal.com]

Triela thought about that. "That makes sense," she decided. "Part of the Conditioning involves a battery of emotional suppressants. Being calm makes for better operatives."

Well, it did when all you wanted was a weapon you could point at targets.

[intraspective]

"Only to a point," Ino said, smiling slightly. "The very best operatives are those who have the skills to manage it perfectly, a level head, and an inner fire of determination."

[sorella-vecchia.livejournal.com]

"I'm quite motivated," Triela pointed out with the sort of flat tone that suggested she wasn't that motivated.

[intraspective]

She shook her head.

"Not out of just orders. I'd guard a place here, right, with what I've got." Ino's eyes cooled down to something close to her mission-gaze. "But I'd fight a lot harder to defend my home."

This wasn't her home.

"That sort of determination."

[sorella-vecchia.livejournal.com]

"That's how I would fight to defend Hilshire," Triela pointed out. Even if defending her closest friends in Fandom wouldn't bring out that kind of intensity. Some, yes, but... not that.

[intraspective]

"Then that's a sort of love," she said, "and I won't pretend to be able to label it further. Drugs can't duplicate it 'cause it's a method of free will that goes deep. You can be drugged to the point where you'll die to defend someone and it's still not the same."

"Loving someone is more... fighting to live for someone, while protecting them. It's not about dying."

[sorella-vecchia.livejournal.com]

Triela smiled slightly. "I remember asking an inspector from Division One whether it really mattered whether it was because of the drugs that we feel the way we do about our handlers. Whatever the reason, we feel that way."

"He didn't have an answer."

And, deep down, she knew it wasn't just the drugs.

[intraspective]

Her smile was equally slight.

"Drugs can incline you a certain way," Ino conceded. "But eventually or not, the heart takes over."

[sorella-vecchia.livejournal.com]

Triela snorted in amusement. "I think that sounds a bit mushy to me..." Triela didn't really do mushy.

[intraspective]

"Is fire mushy?"

[sorella-vecchia.livejournal.com]

Another snort.

"No." She saw the point Ino was making there. And... it bore thinking on.

[intraspective]

Ino's smile was a bit genuinely amused this time.

"Romance is mushy," she said, "love isn't. Keep them separate."

[sorella-vecchia.livejournal.com]

"I'll make a note," Triela promised. She even raised one hand to mime writing something down.

[intraspective]

"Good," she said impishly. "You might even get somewhere someday, Rookie."

Yeah, she went there.