Apartment Above the Boards, Monday Night

[intraspective]

It would be a damn dirty lie for Ino to even pretend she wasn't really into what was out of Taylor Swift's new album. She totally was. No shame.

"My castle crumbled overnight," she sang while scrubbing the floor. Cleaning the kitchen wasn't very glamourous but it was pretty important. "I brought a knife to a gun fight."

Ino was pretty sure she'd win in a case like that. She was also reasonably sure Taylor would too, if she cared enough.

Still, misdirection was a useful tool. She leaned back on her heels and stretched, smiling at where Silly watched her from the counter.

"And I know I make the same mistakes every time
Bridges burn, I never learn, at least I did one thing right
I did one thing right
I'm laughing with my lover, making forts under covers
Trust him like a brother, yeah, you know I did one thing right
Starry eyes sparkin' up my darkest night
My baby's fit like a daydream
Walking with his head down
I'm the one he's walking to
So call it what you want, yeah, call it what you want to…

She was possibly going to sing this song until the kitchen sparkled. It was catchy.

[For ze boy, please!]

Comments

[puppy_fair]

Zack nodded faintly.

"Until I got out, I didn't do much talking at all. In my own head, maybe." He glanced up. "Maybe now I'm trying to make up for lost time."

Which didn't explain just how hard it was to talk in general, now that he was safe again. But it seemed like a nice thought all the same.

[intraspective]

It was a nice thought.

"There's a lot of lost time," she said softly.

[puppy_fair]

"Almost too much lost time," Zack agreed. And then he inhaled. Exhaled. Looked quietly at her for a minute before he said, "Damn it, Ino. Are we even the same people anymore?"

[intraspective]

Despite everything, her mouth curled in a slight smile.

"Sometimes yes," she said, "and sometimes no."

[puppy_fair]

Zack laughed softly at that, in spite of everything.

"I haven't decided if it's the yes moments that make the no moments harder, or if it's the other way around," he confessed.

[intraspective]

"The yes moments," she said, since that was where she'd fallen. "Because they're when things feel like nothing ever changed."

[puppy_fair]

That felt about right. Zack chewed on his lip for a moment.

"We don't have many of those anymore, do we?"

[intraspective]

Ino shook her head, one hand reaching up to pet Silly.

"I don't think we've been trying for them, though."

She hadn't been.

[puppy_fair]

And he wouldn't even know where to start.

"Easier that way," he said, softly. "But... I would like to be able to be me again. I'd like it even more if being me again wouldn't make us both hurt."

[intraspective]

She rubbed at one of her eyes. "That don't sound so bad," she admitted.

[puppy_fair]

"It won't be easy," Zack replied softly. "There's a lot that was broken along the way. I'm not entirely sure where to start."

[intraspective]

"I don't know either," she said, after a moment. "I ain't exactly well-kept myself."

[puppy_fair]

There was a lump in his throat again. Zack swallowed it away.

"Are we making it worse?" He shook his head quickly. "I mean, not by trying. We aren't making it worse by trying. But something about this isn't working. And the more it doesn't work, the harder it gets to think it'll ever get better."

[intraspective]

She picked at a non-existent fluff on her leg.

"I don't follow what you're saying," Ino said, frowning slightly. "Worse by... this? What... we were doing? Or... something else?"

[puppy_fair]

"I don't know," Zack said quietly after a moment. "Not this. This is the first time in ages I've felt like we're getting anywhere. But I've been spinning my wheels on my own, and spinning them harder here, and I don't... I don't even know what you've been going through, either." He swallowed. "I just mean, the two of us, here, for this long. Ignoring it when it's right there? That has to stop."

[intraspective]

Ino resisted the urge to pull a piece of hair out of the braid it was in to toy with. A nervous habit. One she didn’t need. Silly was soft under her fingertips.

“That’s… that’s a lot to stop ignorin’,” she said. Just thinking of not pretending it wasn’t there made her stomach roll.

[puppy_fair]

"It's a lot more to keep ignoring," Zack pointed out, his tone going a little softer. "I can't speak for you, but... I can't keep doing that anymore. It's suffocating."

[intraspective]

When had he gotten so good at talking? So brave at facin’ the shit they didn’t want to talk about?

Ino felt like a coward compared to him.

“I been drowning so long I’m scared to come up for air,” she admitted.

Honesty sucked. Shame was a good motivator though.

[puppy_fair]

They'd both been through a lot. Ino had suffered through it in silence surrounded by people who were willing to talk. Zack had been through it with nobody, talking to a man who wasn't capable of listening.

It made some manner of difference, apparently.

"I miss breathing." Zack swallowed. "I miss you."

He missed himself.

[intraspective]

“I miss you,” Ino admitted. “Not sure I miss me, though.”

And that was the crux of it, wasn’t it? She didn’t want to deal with the mess underneath that she was.

[puppy_fair]

Zack couldn't help but fall silent for a few more moments, mulling that over.

"I want what we used to have," he said, finally. "And I don't know if that's what you want, too. And I... I need to know. If the answer is yes, it'll be hard work to get there again, and if the answer is no..."

He shrugged.

"Better to just say it so we both stop waiting for something we can't have."

[intraspective]

“I want what we had,” she said, standing and not remembering getting to her feet. Ino paced restlessly, feeling trapped. “I want it. I didn’t pay your phone bill for five years ‘cause I were over and done with you. I want you. I want us.”

Ino hugged herself tightly.

“But, like, what if there ain’t no us no more?”

[puppy_fair]

Zack didn't stand. For the first time in a long while, he didn't have it in him to throw his restlessness into pacing, or doing squats.

"We're never going to find out if we don't try," he pointed out. "If there is or if there isn't."

He pulled in a deep breath.

"But I think the longer we avoid it, the lower our chances are of ever going back. There's-- there's a lot. That needs to be worked through. Knee-jerk reactions. Stuff we're afraid of. Things that are going to hurt to unpack."

[intraspective]

She’d be restless enough for the both of them then.

“I want to try,” she said quietly. “I want it to work. But, like, I ain’t even sure where to start stopping what this is right now.”

[puppy_fair]

"I think this is it," Zack said softly. "I think what we're doing right now is the start."

It was more than they'd had, yet. That had to count for something.