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intraspectiveIt was highly likely that, had she been back in the dorms and able to curl up against Zack, Ino would not have gone through with her hastily tossed together plan for dealing with her fears about Jenova.
She wasn’t sure, yet, if it was fortunate or unfortunate that they were in the cabins. After mulling over her options—revisiting them thanks to Master Skywalker agreeing with her gut feeling of ‘that should be dealt with’—for a few hours, then a few hours of restless sleep, Ino was up bright and early.
And booking a portal to Midgar. For one.
As she confirmed the time Ino wondered, a bit guiltily, if she ought to tell Zack. She be pissed off if someone went to herworld without her to deal with an issue. Wrinkling her nose as she hung up on the Portalocity operator, Ino decided that it didn’t really matter. If he was mad, she’d deal with it.
But dealing with something else came first. Fear. Ino studied what clothing she’d brought from her room to the cabins, careful to stay quiet so that no one would wake up, and eventually decided on an outfit that was very very pink. The top was a bit frilly, even. She eyed the ribbon on the sleeves before shrugging. Fighting was possible in it—that was what mattered the most. And wearing the bright colour made her smile slightly. Tossing her hair back in a ponytail, she made certain she had her potions and ethers before wriggling on her armlet and taking off for the weapons locker.
Less than fifteen minutes later she was standing a ways outside Midgar and staring at it with wide eyes. Attempting to convince herself to move towards it. Yes, she could spend her weekend wandering around the wastelands if she was very very careful and ran the hell away from most of the monsters that she didn't recognize but… that would rather defeat the purpose.
So. That left Ino to convince herself that, yes, moving forward was a good idea. Reno had told her that nothing really bad was going to happen for a while longer—her guess was years, but she couldn't be certain of that—which meant, logically, that if she went into the city nothing would happen to her. Even if Jenova was there. (Or so she thought.)
Logic didn't give much of a damn for her feelings though and Ino's feelings were of the opinion that going anywhere ever near Jenova was the stupidest thing ever. She was going to do it anyway. One step forward. And then another. Her jaw set and eyes narrowed in irritation with herself. Coward, coward, coward—if she was this scared, then how would she manage to do anything to help?
Fear, she decided, sucked. It made her stomach twist, her limps shake, and her she had to work to keep her breathing steady. It was easier when she pretended, that this was a mission. Scared or not, on a mission you had to keep moving and get it done.
The slums were much the same as she'd remembered them--this time in the early morning rather than at night but it was very much... people waking up, getting about their lives. Monsters here and there that she gleefully took on. Fighting monsters means she didn't have to think. Meant she didn't have to care. Meant all she had to do was focus on fighting and not on the fact that she knew exactly where she really had to go and didn't want to.
For a few hours, it was more than enough that she was in the slums. Still breathing. Fighting. And doing some exploring without Zack. Nimble feet, nimble hands, ducking in and out of the worst places in town. She spent a while in Wall Market, but more time looking for Hell Houses. (Ino's priorities lay with distraction and monsters were a better one at the moment than shopping.)
Her skin felt tight, her shoulders stiff. She'd picked up a few small tears in her clothing during her fights, but she was still moving—potions to take care of any injury—and more importantly, still winning.
The day crawled on and by four in the afternoon, she'd made it above the plate. Tracking down food, first, Ino then went about more exploring. If she kept moving then nothing could get her—never mind that nothing seemed to be after her in the first place—and Ino was certain that if she sat still for long that she'd be sick. The fear wasn't going away. If anything it got stronger.
But she could move through it. That counted as an accomplishment and a little more confident, a little more reckless, Ino flung herself into the life of Midgar and tried to convince herself that nothing was going to hurt her and that Jenova wasn't lurking in wait for her.
Hours flew past. Day-to-evening-to-night and Ino was tired and still moving and still fighting and there were periods now where she was lonely because only her fear kept her company and this wasn't her home, any of them, and what Ino really wanted was a hug.
More monsters sufficed. For hours longer. A break here and there to wander into a place to get something to drink and nibble on, though she wasn't hungry, and then the rest of her time spent dealing with her fear by fighting anything she found. And winning. Sometimes barely, a few she'd had to run away from when they'd ganged up on her, but there were enough victories to make her happy.
And enough exhaustion to make her a bit giddy with reckless enthusiasm that was far more comfortable, in her opinion, than the fear that dragged at her mind, her concentration, her arms and legs, if she let herself think.
So Ino didn't bother to think, gave herself permission to just enjoy the exhilaration that came from defying, in her mind, her own fears.
That was why, when she wound up calling Zack, Ino was laughing. Because Ino was stupidly tired and it was either laugh or cry and hilarity was better than giving up and admitting that she was still scared.
It was half past two Saturday morning.
[NFB due to distance. World hopping done with permission. For that boy she's calling.]
She wasn’t sure, yet, if it was fortunate or unfortunate that they were in the cabins. After mulling over her options—revisiting them thanks to Master Skywalker agreeing with her gut feeling of ‘that should be dealt with’—for a few hours, then a few hours of restless sleep, Ino was up bright and early.
And booking a portal to Midgar. For one.
As she confirmed the time Ino wondered, a bit guiltily, if she ought to tell Zack. She be pissed off if someone went to herworld without her to deal with an issue. Wrinkling her nose as she hung up on the Portalocity operator, Ino decided that it didn’t really matter. If he was mad, she’d deal with it.
But dealing with something else came first. Fear. Ino studied what clothing she’d brought from her room to the cabins, careful to stay quiet so that no one would wake up, and eventually decided on an outfit that was very very pink. The top was a bit frilly, even. She eyed the ribbon on the sleeves before shrugging. Fighting was possible in it—that was what mattered the most. And wearing the bright colour made her smile slightly. Tossing her hair back in a ponytail, she made certain she had her potions and ethers before wriggling on her armlet and taking off for the weapons locker.
Less than fifteen minutes later she was standing a ways outside Midgar and staring at it with wide eyes. Attempting to convince herself to move towards it. Yes, she could spend her weekend wandering around the wastelands if she was very very careful and ran the hell away from most of the monsters that she didn't recognize but… that would rather defeat the purpose.
So. That left Ino to convince herself that, yes, moving forward was a good idea. Reno had told her that nothing really bad was going to happen for a while longer—her guess was years, but she couldn't be certain of that—which meant, logically, that if she went into the city nothing would happen to her. Even if Jenova was there. (Or so she thought.)
Logic didn't give much of a damn for her feelings though and Ino's feelings were of the opinion that going anywhere ever near Jenova was the stupidest thing ever. She was going to do it anyway. One step forward. And then another. Her jaw set and eyes narrowed in irritation with herself. Coward, coward, coward—if she was this scared, then how would she manage to do anything to help?
Fear, she decided, sucked. It made her stomach twist, her limps shake, and her she had to work to keep her breathing steady. It was easier when she pretended, that this was a mission. Scared or not, on a mission you had to keep moving and get it done.
The slums were much the same as she'd remembered them--this time in the early morning rather than at night but it was very much... people waking up, getting about their lives. Monsters here and there that she gleefully took on. Fighting monsters means she didn't have to think. Meant she didn't have to care. Meant all she had to do was focus on fighting and not on the fact that she knew exactly where she really had to go and didn't want to.
For a few hours, it was more than enough that she was in the slums. Still breathing. Fighting. And doing some exploring without Zack. Nimble feet, nimble hands, ducking in and out of the worst places in town. She spent a while in Wall Market, but more time looking for Hell Houses. (Ino's priorities lay with distraction and monsters were a better one at the moment than shopping.)
Her skin felt tight, her shoulders stiff. She'd picked up a few small tears in her clothing during her fights, but she was still moving—potions to take care of any injury—and more importantly, still winning.
The day crawled on and by four in the afternoon, she'd made it above the plate. Tracking down food, first, Ino then went about more exploring. If she kept moving then nothing could get her—never mind that nothing seemed to be after her in the first place—and Ino was certain that if she sat still for long that she'd be sick. The fear wasn't going away. If anything it got stronger.
But she could move through it. That counted as an accomplishment and a little more confident, a little more reckless, Ino flung herself into the life of Midgar and tried to convince herself that nothing was going to hurt her and that Jenova wasn't lurking in wait for her.
Hours flew past. Day-to-evening-to-night and Ino was tired and still moving and still fighting and there were periods now where she was lonely because only her fear kept her company and this wasn't her home, any of them, and what Ino really wanted was a hug.
More monsters sufficed. For hours longer. A break here and there to wander into a place to get something to drink and nibble on, though she wasn't hungry, and then the rest of her time spent dealing with her fear by fighting anything she found. And winning. Sometimes barely, a few she'd had to run away from when they'd ganged up on her, but there were enough victories to make her happy.
And enough exhaustion to make her a bit giddy with reckless enthusiasm that was far more comfortable, in her opinion, than the fear that dragged at her mind, her concentration, her arms and legs, if she let herself think.
So Ino didn't bother to think, gave herself permission to just enjoy the exhilaration that came from defying, in her mind, her own fears.
That was why, when she wound up calling Zack, Ino was laughing. Because Ino was stupidly tired and it was either laugh or cry and hilarity was better than giving up and admitting that she was still scared.
It was half past two Saturday morning.
[NFB due to distance. World hopping done with permission. For that boy she's calling.]
no subject
Date: 2010-06-05 10:58 pm (UTC)"She does," Ino said sleepily, her control over her thoughts, her words slipping. "And she shouldn't be treated like normal here."
no subject
Date: 2010-06-05 11:16 pm (UTC)All of Midgar. And he couldn't stop it.
But he knew that it was Jenova, now. So... maybe. Maybe?
no subject
Date: 2010-06-05 11:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-06-05 11:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-06-05 11:34 pm (UTC)"We'll figure it out," Ino assured him. "And she can't take me."
Did she believe that? A bit.
no subject
Date: 2010-06-05 11:40 pm (UTC)Her cells. They were in him. They were in all of SOLDIER.
SOLDIER. Monster. Monster. SOLDIER. Yeah.
"You're pretty safe from that."
no subject
Date: 2010-06-05 11:44 pm (UTC)"She can't take you either."
no subject
Date: 2010-06-05 11:53 pm (UTC)So, there was that.
Never mind that Elena was talking about whatever Zack it was that she knew about. That in some other reality, there had been a Zack who had never seen Angeal die, who had become a vampire, instead. Never mind that he could never, ever be certain.
no subject
Date: 2010-06-06 12:00 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-06-06 12:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-06-06 12:10 am (UTC)"Is the door locked?"
Because he was tired and she was tired and he was warm and safe and cozy even if she was still scared. Locking the door seemed like a small precaution but it would make her feel better.
no subject
Date: 2010-06-06 12:14 am (UTC)It was what he did. He smiled. Almost always, almost no matter what. Now was the perfect time to smile, too.
"I got it on the way in, yeah. It seemed like a 'locked door' kind of morning."
no subject
Date: 2010-06-06 12:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-06-06 12:36 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-06-06 12:39 am (UTC)She was also wired quite a bit differently than Zack, yes.
no subject
Date: 2010-06-06 12:52 am (UTC)They'd used all the special wires when putting Zack together, though.
no subject
Date: 2010-06-06 12:58 am (UTC)"No need to worry," Ino insisted breezily. "I'm fine and safe with you here."
no subject
Date: 2010-06-06 01:19 am (UTC)There. All tucked in!
"You are," he agreed. "You're okay, okay?"
no subject
Date: 2010-06-06 01:28 am (UTC)"Only--" she said, pressing her forehead against his chest, closing her eyes and relaxing visibly. "--If you're here. Stay here."
no subject
Date: 2010-06-06 01:36 am (UTC)Oh, yes. He was sleeping in his armor. That couldn't possibly be comfortable, and he absolutely didn't care. At least the Buster Sword wasn't in bed with them, because that would not have ended well at all.
no subject
Date: 2010-06-06 01:42 am (UTC)Ino was sliding into sleep and so her only answer was a little sigh as the waking world released it's hold on her.