Room 504, Tuesday Morning

[intraspective]

After first period Ino was back in her room, sprawled on her bed, and carefully making notes on how best to poison Logan-sensei for class on Thursday.

What? He’d pretty much told her to. Ino was only listening to his instructions.

And, well, playing with poisons was an excellent thing to focus her fury on.

...in her opinion anyway.

[Expecting one, but open. ETA: ...I know what day it is. Really. ^^;;]

Comments

[new-to-liirness.livejournal.com]

He moved closer so she could work on him.

"Unless I miss my mark, I think I might have figured my way around the problem I was having with making your broom," he told her. "That's what I was working out yesterday, a third possibility. I was stuck until Sunday."

He looked down.

"If I tell you about Sunday, will you want to beat me about the head more or less?"

[intraspective]

Sunday wasn't the main problem. Not by a long shot.

"Who cares about Sunday?" Ino scathed, hands going out to cover his side. Chakra infused with healing intent glowing softly.

[new-to-liirness.livejournal.com]

"Well, I'm assuming that you're upset that I got hurt and by extension, probably even more upset that I got myself into a situation where I'd get hurt.

"Or have I entirely missed something?"

A pause.

"I really am sorry about the phonecall, Ino. And just after I bothered you over it. I hope I didn't worry you too much."

[intraspective]

Yeah. Missed it by a mile.

"You," Ino said, "are a moron right now." Really now. If she had to explain it, then it wasn't worth it.

She wasn't worth it. Thanks. Nice to know where she stood.

Fine.

[new-to-liirness.livejournal.com]

"I'm a moron usually, Ino, but unless you tell me what's the matter, I'm not going to know," he pointed out.

[intraspective]

That just made her foul mood even fouler.

"If you can't figure it out, then obviously it's not important enough to you."

Slowly the bruises were healing.

[new-to-liirness.livejournal.com]

He pulled away from her hands, stepping back a few feet.

"If I can't figure it out, it's because I don't know how to figure these things out, Ino. All you've done is be angry with me and told me I'm wrong.

"Unless you'd like to go through an extended list of the ways in which I'm an idiot to see which one is aggravating you, telling me will work a lot better than glaring at me."

His own eyes looked like they were glaring, just a bit.

"And the idea that I don't care is the single stupidest thing that's ever come out of your mouth. Of course I care about what's bothering you! You're you, for Ozma's sake."

[intraspective]

“It’s obvious,” she said, letting the glow of chakra fade, and knowing that her concentration was shot for it. “It’s obvious.”

He was lying. Had to be. Hadn’t he proved that with his actions even if his words kept saying the opposite?

She was last again. Always winding up last.

She turned away, going back to her notebook, still furious but half sad too. “Get out.” She didn't need this, didn't need him lying to her.

[new-to-liirness.livejournal.com]

"No!"

And Liir actually raised his voice. He raised his voice and he moved to grab her notebook.

No.

"No," and he was beyond snapping. This-- this--

Not another one. No. No, I'm not losing her. I can't. I can't. She's the only one. She's the only one.

The only one I believe in.

NO.

"It's not fucking obvious, Ino," he told her. "And I'm not getting out. If you want me out, you'll have to kill me because I'm not leaving any other way."

He looked ridiculous, still half-bruised, shirtless, eyes wild. But there was no way in any hell, visited or not, that he was going to let anything just sit. Not with Ino. He'd tried to just let an argument settle out and he'd lost Andrew for his mistake.

He couldn't lose Ino.

[intraspective]

"Leave me alone!"

She let him have the notebook, it wasn't the important one, not the one she'd fight for because having that much of her weaknesses read by anyone meant that she wouldn't be able to hide... no. It was just a notebook, with notes on her garden, and on her poisons for class.

It was expendable, if it had to be.

"Go talk to Michael! Go talk to Amber! Just leave me alone! You don't get it!"

[new-to-liirness.livejournal.com]

He put it down when she let it go and closed his mouth. Go talk to Michael? Talk to Amber?

What the hell did that mean?

He glared at her.

And sat on the floor.

"I'll be here when you feel like explaining. Till then, I'm not going anywhere."

[intraspective]

It meant everything, anything, all of it. He'd stayed there, made her breakfast, couldn't be bothered to call the little sister, couldn't be assed to talk to her when she'd glared at him in class yesterday...

Everything.

"You'll be waiting a while," she said, going for her desk and grabbing up her purple notebook, the important one, and hugging it close to her. "Because I shouldn't have to explain this."

[new-to-liirness.livejournal.com]

"Why? When I'm upset, when I'm freaking out, when I'm angry, when I'm sad, when I'm crying, when I'm screaming, I have to explain to you. I have to explain because you need to know so you can help me fix it.

"So afford me the same chance.

"There are things about me you don't understand. How I see things. How I feel things. Why is it so hard to consider that I don't know how you see things, how you understand things? I'm trying, Ino. I'm thinking and I'm worried and I'm willing to do anything, anything just to make up whatever stupid thing I've done but you won't give me the first idea.

"And that's bullshit."

He stood up.

"I'm not leaving this, Ino. I don't care if I have to go without sleep, without water, miss class, miss work; I don't care.

"You're the only person I have, you're the only person I believe in in this or any world. The only one. And if you want nothing more to do with me, that's fine. I've had everything I ever cared about destroyed before."

He moved towards her.

"But I'm not going to let you go without knowing what I did wrong. Maybe Karal is right, but I won't."

[intraspective]

"You're lying," she said, shaking her head, clinging to her notebook, the words small compared to the ringing in her ears though by the end of it she was nearly shouting. "You're lying, lying, lying!"

The window was open. He could guard either the door, or the window. Not both at once. She wasn't trapped.

But it felt like she was. Lying, lying, lying.

[new-to-liirness.livejournal.com]

He listened and he stood and he didn't react.

"I'm not."

He swallowed around a bulge in his throat.

"I'm not, Ino. I swear. I don't have anything to swear on, but I swear. I swear on the broom, Ino. On the cloak. On the green under my skin and the diamonds I'll never wear. On the Grimmerie, on Kumbricia's nose, on Lurline's toes, Ino...

"If you hate me, go. If you can't stand me, go. But if you're upset because you think you don't matter to me--"

He breathed out and closed his eyes.

"I don't know how to prove it to you, Ino. Ask me to prove the sky is blue, that grass is green, that the sun is warm, that water is wet. It's the same."

"You're the only person I really, truly, completely believe in.

"It's the same."

[intraspective]

"Lies," she insisted, eyes wide, but not really seeing, and her breathing was too fast. Not really hearing.

"You're lying, you've got to be." Nothing else made sense, nothing else clicked right, nothing else...

She wasn't anything, nothing special, nobody's number one. Fine. Fine. She could deal, she was tough, she could handle being no one important to anyone but herself. Always the left behind, the last one thought of, always...

But why wouldn't he stop lying?

[new-to-liirness.livejournal.com]

He closed his eyes a moment, opening them with an orange in his hand.

"This isn't real," he told her.

Another time, an apple in the other.

"This isn't real," he told her.

He dropped them as he walked towards her, put his hand to her desk.

"This isn't real," he told her.

And pushed it aside. He picked up her notebook.

"This isn't real," he told her.

He waited until he was within a foot of her to speak and when he spoke, there was no lying. These were Words, as much as a Cat was a Cat and a Witch was a Witch and a Wizard was a Wizard. Words that could hold no disguise. Words that could not be anything but what they were.

He looked right at her, tried to meet her eyes.

"Why would I lie to the only real person in my whole world?"

[intraspective]

He might have met her eyes, but Ino wasn't home, not really.

She heard him, but not really.

Blue eyes wide, panic-stricken, and she was backing up not even aware of the fact that she was doing so.

Lying, lying, lying. Too good at lying.

Trapped, she was trapped. Couldn't breathe, couldn't think, couldn't do anything but cling to the notebook in her arms and try not to hyperventilate. Trappedtrappedtrapped.

[new-to-liirness.livejournal.com]

He closed his eyes.

And stepped back.

"I'll go. I'm trying to delay the inevitable.

"I'll go. It was only a matter of time till I was alone."

[intraspective]

He was lying, see? Giving up, going away, leaving her behind again.

Lying, lying, lying.

You didn't give up if you really cared. Didn't stop, didn't do that.

Lying.

Ino shook her head rapidly, though whether from her thoughts or from his words she wouldn't be able to say but everything was wrong and...

Wrong.

[new-to-liirness.livejournal.com]

The headshake caught his eye and he stopped.

"You... don't want me to go?"

He breathed out.

"Ino, tell me what you want. Do you want me to live in my room, locked up, never risking myself, never talking to anyone else but you? If that's what you want, fine.

"I'll do it. But if you don't tell me, I don't know what to do."

[intraspective]

How did you say what was wrong when the something that was wrong was wrong in and of itself?

Or was it? Was it wrong to want to be the number one for somebody? Anybody? To be allowed to come first?

...but she hadn't. That couldn't be changed. And, and, she couldn't say something like 'yes, only talk to me' because that wasn't fair or right and was so very wrong but there was a part of her that wanted it just for the security and...

It was wrong. No getting around that. Wrong, wrong, wrong. And she didn't even care with most the people he talked to. Just the one, because she'd had to come last, after that.

An afterthought.

Ino burst into tears.

[new-to-liirness.livejournal.com]

Oh fuck it. If she killed him, at least he'd go out feeling useful.

She was his sister and he'd obviously done something terribly wrong and now she was crying and tears burned, so instead of trying reason anymore he just pulled her into his arms and hugged her close and hoped, prayed (he didn't even know who it might be) that she'd understand.

"Oh, Ino."

[intraspective]

She put up no resistance to the hug, but nor did she respond to it.

Ino hated crying, hated the way it stuffed her head, the way that the tears felt on her skin, the way it always left her feeling exhausted and stupid and...

It was so weak. She didn't want to be weak, but the tears kept coming.

[new-to-liirness.livejournal.com]

Liir, for his part, didn't move. He just held her and kissed her hair and was content to be there since he'd failed in such a simple task earlier.