intraspective | ??????????, Gaia, Wednesday Late Afternoon

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??????????, Gaia, Wednesday Late Afternoon

She was never, ever taking any portal that had stopovers ever again. Sure, their hosts had been great, she now played one hell of a mean game of croquet (it would have been two-time world champion except Reno had stolen one title from her on a technicality, damn him), but really, all being stuck in croquet hell for three years the local time had done was kill any momentum she'd had for saving the world.

Iris still came out of the portal swinging her mallet, just in case. (Look, before croquet hell there had been some much less friendly worlds out there and old habits died really hard.)

Nothing attacked her, though she did startle a man feeding his chickens as she stepped out into his yard. Ignoring his yelp, she glanced around their surroundings, her mind reaching out to judge any potential threats.

"Oh thank fuck," she said cheerfully. "We're someplace peaceful. I demand a shower!"

Sure, they'd have to figure out where and what reality they were in. But this was a start.

[For that title-stealing guy!

NOTE: The second thread has talk of torture, actual murder, torture, and blowing up a building in it.]

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At least Iris was more prepared for that sort of nonsense.

Fandom and all.

"It's better than dealing with me when I'm four, though, right?"

Tseng sighed.

"I suppose, at some point, I'll find out."

Zack was a menace at four. He could only imagine what Iris was like.

"Ohmygods."

He hadn't even met her when she was tiny, yet! The glee in her voice was probably not super reassuring.

Iris was adorable and precious at four.

"Indeed."

Tseng sounded pained. So pained.

"Will that be all?"

Hated. That. Island.

"For now!" she chirped. "I'll call you if we need you, but we're pretty used to running independently at this point."

So very independently.

"Stay out of trouble, yo." Then she hung up on him and burst into laughter.

Reno was just standing back and grinning.

"So," he said, "that went well?"

"He must have lost all sense temporarily," Iris confided, tucking her PHS away. "First, he knows me. I'm minioning for him right now. Second, he wants a report but he gave us permission to text it to him."

Tseng was never going to make that mistake again.

"And he's never met me as a four year old yet. Poor, deprived man."

"Poor bastard's missin' out, yo," Reno laughed, shaking his head. And then stretched his arms out. Looked toward the mansion.

Swore under his breath.

"... Bet we could spare everyone a lotta trouble just by hidin' a few books, yo."

"You know what books to steal?"

Because, hey, she was down for that.

"Nope," Reno replied. "Wanna burn the library?"

"It's been a long, long time since we got to burn somethin' as big that."

Thanks for that, croquet land.

"I'm in. Let's trash it but good."

Reno grinned.

"An' if that donkey-laughin' lunatic is in there? We throw his ass into the mako."

Just putting that out there.

Iris contemplated the mansion.

"Where is the mako, anyway? Underneath?"

"Mako's back at the reactor," Reno replied, jerking a thumb in that direction. "But there are lines that supply tanks in the basement."

Please don't think too hard about the tanks in the basement, Iris.

Yeah… no… there was no way she wasn't going to think about them now, her face going pale.

"Right," she said, a bit distantly. "Let's burn it all."

Reno simply nodded, and without another word, he started walking toward the mansion.

Cut the trouble off at the source.

Best chance they had yet, right?

It really was, though who knew what doing so would do to the world and timeline she and Zack were from. Time travel, how did it work again?

Iris trailed behind him, her eyes hard.

Maybe nothing. Maybe they'd just create a new reality, a new possibility. Somewhere else, in another time at the same time, Zack was looking for Iris, after all.

Reno was ever so casually lighting up a smoke as they approached the mansion's front door. Tried the handle. Locked, of course.

Swiped his keycard.

Turk access. Ha.

Heh.

"That's convenient," Iris said, smirking faintly. "And the place ain't deserted, though it ain't fully occupied either."

Just a heads up.

"Wouldn't be empty," Reno agreed with a sigh. "There's always at least one in there, though we ain't likely to see him any time soon. If it's someone up an' about, my money's on Hojo and his assistants. We can ice 'em. The world won't miss 'em."

At all.

Even a little bit.

"You know," she said, some life coming back to her eyes as amusement sparked, "do you remember that costume we used to mangle?"

Iris. Iris, no.

Reno barked a little laugh at that.

"What, Smoochy? What, you thinkin' we should Smoochy Hojo?"

Reno would be up for giving Hojo the ol' Smoochy treatment.

Which was horrifying.

"It'd be fun."

And absolutely terrible. In so, so many ways.

"We could even warn 'im, with one hangin' on a tree if we've got a day or so to spare. Like we always did with Tyler-sensei."

Only Smoochy had never been more than just a joke with him. For Hojo, it would be for real.

Reno gave a wistful sigh.

"Ah, memories."

A pause.

"You got a Smoochy hidden away in your back of tricks?"

"I might," Iris mused, giving that thought. "Actually, I think I do. They were on sale and I was feelin' nostalgic."

And it wasn't like she spent her money on much else.

SO.

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