intraspective: (thoughtful)
Ino hadn't wanted to... not bother Zack, exactly, but hadn't wanted to bring anything up that was too raw given everything, and then coupled with Tseng's visit (which had confused and intrigued her in about equal amounts, with an odd, unexpected dash of finding it comforting that he'd come--or, perhaps, comfortable was the better word?) well, Ino just hadn't wanted to step ungently.

There was a time and place for that.

But she and Reno really did need to get going, the trip Zack was going on with the school gave them time to get away more or less scot-free, and... before that happened, she didn't want to hold back Aerith's letters.

Tseng hadn't wanted to punish Aerith any further--well, Ino had never wanted to at all.

"Hey," she said, smiling as Zack came in after class. "What did you cover today?"

She was sitting cross-legged on the floor, sorting through notes from her shop, not having bothered to put on more than a tank-top and shorts on today, since she hadn't been out.

[For the modded-with-permission guy, but also open for calls and/or visitors.]
intraspective: (listen listen)
From: iris@fandomhigh.edu
Cc: karla@fandomhigh.edu; zackf@fandomhigh.edu
To: [Fandom Island, yes everyone]
Re: Zack's Birthday Party!

Yo!

Tomorrow is a very important day! One that cannot pass without notice! Or else the world will end.

Okay, probably not, but I'm writing this email (Karla had nothing to do with this; she's cc'd because it felt wrong to send out a party notice without her!) and so what I say goes!

Anyway, tomorrow is Zack's birthday!

Neither Zack nor I are actually sure exactly how old he's turning, due to shenanigans with timelines and other, less fun, things. But there's still going to be a party!

Get your asses down to the park. That's right, the park as soon as the sun starts setting (or later, whenever's good, really) for good food (Zack asks me to remind all of you that there will be vegetarian, vegan, and gluten-free options available for those with dietary restrictions and that if you have any others, let us know; or not, I don't care. You're all old enough to avoid dying by eating something you shouldn't and I could heal your stupid asses anyway if you're not), good times, and free booze (I'm bringing three types of beer; you want something fancier, bring your own) and celebrate the fact that Zack's getting older!

Or laugh at him for getting older! I get to tease him for, like, a whole week about being older than me.

Presents are great, but not necessary. Just come on down and have fun!

If you got any questions, hit me up! Or hit Karla up, that'd amuse me a lot.

See you there!

-- Iris

[Quite naturally, [personal profile] puppy_fair has approved this email going out! Open for any emails or phone calls!]
intraspective: (civilian)
Spring was here and Ino was celebrating by having pried all the windows open and having spent the day indulging in a good bit of deep cleaning. It was amazing the amount of fur that got into things despite that they kept fairly on top of the cleaning usually.

Ino knew she could've asked Zack to help out but, well, she loved Zack and all but it was much easier to clean most things when he wasn't around.

But now, content in her work well done, and the lemony freshness that reminded her of all that work, Ino was lounging on their couch, the radio on, and just relaxing.

There was nothing better than relaxing in a clean place.

[Open, sure!]
intraspective: (thoughtful)
Ino wasn't avoiding Zack. She really wasn't. This wasn't like the situation they'd been in last year, with both of them ignoring the elephant in the room and coexisting without ever really living with one another.

This was different because Ino had drowned herself in research since Kueng had left and had barely looked up from it for long enough to eat and shower and sometimes (maybe) sleep.

So, in a way, she was perhaps to be forgiven for not realizing just how much time she'd spent buried in years and years of painstaking work—a great deal of it done after her death—by a man whose love for her showed in the sheer amount of information he'd provided.

There was a lot of think about. And not all of it was about her death either.

Ino frowned at the report she was rereading.

[For ze guy, yo.]
intraspective: (Iris - ice princess)
They’d seen off Rufus and his wee green companion (friend? Did tiny boss actually have a friend?) and then she and Zack, still in their Hawaii finery—bikini top and short-shorts for her, Hawaiian shirt and shorts for him—had walked back through the town, taking their time.

The pollen was still around which Ino wasn’t impressed by, but it was too nice a night to get really, truly angry about it. And it was nice to be back home, it really was.

"I'm going for a shower," she said, as they got into their apartment, having decided that was the best way to keep on pretending that the pollen didn't exist. "Then I'll probably crash for the night--I'll unpack tomorrow."

Zack was all of two steps in the door... )

[Co-written with the delightful [personal profile] puppy_fair! NFI.]
intraspective: (civilian)
Ino's day had been peaceful. She'd gone for a run with Girl, then they'd both gone into her shop so that Girl could nap and Ino could amuse herself in her lab for a few hours. Then they'd gone out again while Ino had fielded a phone call from Tseng wanting to know how she'd misplaced Zack (the answers she'd come up with hadn't pleased him much) and eventually they'd wandered back to the Boards and the apartment above it.

Silly had spent most of the day in her hair or cheeping at Girl. Ino wasn't sure what Silly hoped to accomplish but, hey, Girl hadn't eaten Silly yet. That was good.

After they'd all eaten, and Ino had gone for shower, they'd all somehow wound up on the couch together while Ino went through her notes from the day's work at the lab and Girl dozed contentedly. Silly sat on the back of the couch and surveyed them both with beady eyes.

Fine. Fine, it wasn't so bad having a dog. Maybe.

[For that boy. And phone calls, if you want.]
intraspective: (listen listen)
It would be a damn dirty lie for Ino to even pretend she wasn't really into what was out of Taylor Swift's new album. She totally was. No shame.

"My castle crumbled overnight," she sang while scrubbing the floor. Cleaning the kitchen wasn't very glamourous but it was pretty important. "I brought a knife to a gun fight."

Ino was pretty sure she'd win in a case like that. She was also reasonably sure Taylor would too, if she cared enough.

Still, misdirection was a useful tool. She leaned back on her heels and stretched, smiling at where Silly watched her from the counter.

"And I know I make the same mistakes every time
Bridges burn, I never learn, at least I did one thing right
I did one thing right
I'm laughing with my lover, making forts under covers
Trust him like a brother, yeah, you know I did one thing right
Starry eyes sparkin' up my darkest night
My baby's fit like a daydream
Walking with his head down
I'm the one he's walking to
So call it what you want, yeah, call it what you want to…


She was possibly going to sing this song until the kitchen sparkled. It was catchy.

[For ze boy, please!]
intraspective: (Iris - brittle)
It was the middle of the night, closer to morning than evening, when Ino appeared in the apartment she and Zack shared in a near-silent puff of smoke.

Cut for blood and minor gore! )

[For the boy! Warning for blood and minor gore. Just to be safe, yo.]
intraspective: (are you sure the third)
It was just past midnight when Ino finally, finally made it back to the apartment above the Boards. (It wasn't home, not yet, maybe not ever. Home had a green and black and smoky sky.)

Out of respect for Zack's sleeping mind (peaceful, for once), and out of habit, Ino slid into the apartment so silently that not even a whisper of rustling clothes marked her passing. She was so tired. And sore, though she'd taken care of injuries before coming back here.

Her uniform had seen better days but… well… that was another reason why it was good Zack was sleeping. She poked her head into the living room and paused. He was on the couch, bare-chested, with a puppy sleeping on him.

Irritation borne of her own exhaustion and the unexpected presence of the puppy rustled at her nerves, but her eyes were drawn more to the grey-scale and moon-lit tracery of torture scars that rippled Zack's chest, and while her nerves jangled, that made her stomach drop.

She was glad he was asleep. She had no idea what he'd say but—Ino didn't think he'd want her to see. (She'd always had good eyesight, though, and the moon helped—)

And the puppy…

Ino took a deep breath and headed, silently, for a shower. They'd talk about it tomorrow. She didn't want a dog but—they'd talk about it tomorrow. If she woke him up to talk about it now, neither of them would be happy.

(Maybe it was out of character to be so thoughtful but… but Ino was tired. She wouldn't enjoy this fight, the way she enjoyed a lot of them. But not this time, not now, not like this.)

Shower, bed, sleep. Tomorrow she'd deal with everything currently drowsing in the living room.

[Establishy! Zack and puppy modded with permission.]
intraspective: ([Iris] judging princess)
It had taken her ages to fly across the greater part of a continent, and then over a piece of the ocean, in the dead of winter. Ino never wanted to repeat that journey, but it had given her plenty of time to think. Getting into her emails without being noticed was still a… well, she'd managed. But it had been a challenge. Ino was a born hacker of minds, not of machines.

It had been worth it though, when she'd found the first piece of the puzzle. Her phone bill was higher than it had been in years. At first, she'd thought it was due to her calls to Fandom, but while that made a bit of a difference, the bigger one was… Zack's account was in use.

She'd lost two days to that revelation, what it had to mean, and the rage and guilt and horror that it had inspired in her. What had kept her in one place had been less the rage and more the twin emotions of stark betrayal and incredulous joy. Neither had been conductive to stealth, so she hadn't tried. She'd taken her time.

If Zack's account was in use, if Zack was alive… then she'd been lied to for years. It sent her straight back into the empty, ugly spaces of herself where she could do anything, the empty, broken places she'd retreated into after losing him the first time around.

It took two days for her to shake that off, to pick herself up, to be an adult. She had to know the truth. She had to go home.

Now, she was home. )

It was a fragile, ephemeral conclusion that she came to, but it was the only one that made sense:

I think he was trying to protect us. Or maybe even just me. But from what, and why?

[For the one she's waiting for, please.]
intraspective: ([Iris] judging princess)
This time of night all the good boys and girls were in bed.

At least, they usually were in the stories. Ino knew far, far too much about how Midgar (and life in general) worked to think that being up late was any real indicator of good or badness.

She didn't have to be out tonight, patrolling, and she wasn't officially on the clock anyway (not that that meant much) but she'd been away for the last few weeks, out in Wutai since it was easy for her to pass as a native there, and so she wanted to reacquaint herself with her home.

Midgar was an ugly city, all dark metal, rust, and green smoke skies. She still thought it was beautiful, when she saw the flicker and glitter of mako lit streetlights and the old empty-eyed fallen trains. Beautiful in a lonely sort of way, which suited her mood completely.

There'd been no time, out in Wutai to celebrate her birthday (she was twenty-two now), and while the Turks had offered to take her out tonight, none of them had been surprised when she'd begged off. They could go drinking without her.

As she usually did, when she was in this sort of mood, her footsteps ghosted her to Aerith's church. This time of night, Aerith wasn't there. Aerith was (mostly) a good girl.

Letting the door slip shut behind her, Ino approached the flowers, somehow lit by the moon despite the plate overhead (she knew, she'd gone looking once and it still didn't make sense), and knelt down to touch them.

"Hey," she said, smiling slightly as her hair spilled over her shoulders to touch the flowers too. "How've you been? Being good for your mom?"

[OOC: Expecting one, but open for calls/texts, sure.]
intraspective: (tell me you're kidding)
[OOC: So yeah. If you're seeing this... I have no idea why you're reading Ino's journal years after I dropped her, but hi! This post was written waaay back in 2011 as a companion piece to this post over on [livejournal.com profile] puppy_fair's journal. (And you should go read that one because it's way, way better than this post.) Then it got lost in my inbox and I didn't feel like posting it and now I do? I'm feeling nostalgic tonight, I guess.]

It's pretty weird for you to be summoned directly to him and when you consider the fact that you've not gotten yourself in trouble--not even because of Silly--you realize that, really, he's probably summoned you to talk about the future and how to proceed with it.

And you're right, in a sick and twisted way that leaves you trying not to vomit on the carpet, as he tells you that he is dead in action and that he (not he) is sorry. He doesn't look at you as he says this. That's right, he was his friend too. You shake your head, long hair tumbling with the movement, tumbling like your thoughts, like your world is spinning and trying to realign and can't because the foundation you've found, made, used here is--

Gone.

You'd been told you had years. To change things, to fix them, to make the world a better place. That he died at some point during all of that.

You'd thought you had years to figure that out and change it. They'd let you go on thinking that, knowing you knew, and beneath the shock is a current of red-hot fury, but the shock is winning now. They lied. You're certain at least one of them loves you, but they lied and let you believe and let you wind your life around his and now… now you're all alone, in a world that's not even yours.

In a world that, maybe, you can still even save. You know a lot, though you didn't know enough.

He's gone, after all.

You realize hazily, belatedly, dizzily, that he, your boss, is waiting for an answer of some sort. Acknowledgement.

You've got none to give.

"No," you say, in a voice that might as well be dead, because you wish you were dead just then, and without hearing an answer (perhaps he gave one, perhaps he didn't) you walk out. You don't even know what you're saying no too. Just that--no. That's it, that's all there is: no. No, you refuse to deal with it. No, it didn't happen. No, he didn't, wouldn't, couldn't, just leave you like that.

No, he couldn't be gone is the same as no, this can't be happening. Except that it has and it did and you're all alone and even if you were to call someone, who would you trust? Those who knew lied to you. That means there's no one to trust. Not in your crumpled up, closed off heart that trusted little and loved few already.

You find yourself at the top of many, many stairs. You don't remember getting there. It makes sense not to go to your room, or to your other room. Too easy to be found by other people and you don't want to talk to them. If you're spoken to right now, you think you might go violent. It would be a release, since you can't cry. (Because this isn't happening. Your birthday is in a few days and he's got a surprise for you so it can't be happening.)

Your hands are trembling, shaking, when you look at them and consider the easiest way to get out of this nightmare. There's so many. Your room is filled with options, your person has others. You shake, wrapping your arms tight around you, leaning against the door and consider it.

But if you did, he wouldn't understand. That's still important to you, his understanding.

Instead, you force yourself down those steps. Waveringly, alarmingly, as they pitch and roll in your eyesight because everything's out of focus and worse, but you keep going, clinging to the railing like it's a lifeline, because it is. One step of steps, around a corner, then another. Then you start picking up your pace as you go spiralling down and down and down which is exactly how you feel and somewhere on the twentieth floor, tears start spilling down your cheeks and you keep running.

Reaching the bottom is like hitting the end of the line. You stand, shuddering, on the last step and refuse to take it. Refuse to touch rock bottom.

Instead, you turn and force yourself to go up and up and up so that you can go down again. You can't talk to anyone, you can't go outside--who knows who'll see you, and here you can at least move, run--you just have to hide from one person, that's all, because if he says anything right now, you might try to kill him and you don't want to do that just because he looks like someone who broke your trust. So you'll avoid him.

That's easy, when you don't feel like you exist anyway. What's one more layer to this farce?

You continue up and up and up so that you can go down and down and down.

And that's fitting too, whispers your thoughts, under the haze of no.
intraspective: (Make up!)
There wasn’t really room in the quarters she and Zack shared in the ShinRa building for a proper vanity and mirror, but Ino was used to living in dorms and had adapted to the smaller spaces those offered. It wasn’t so much of a bother, truly, so long as there was time to get ready and nothing had to be rushed.

But for tonight, they had as much time as they needed. Hours yet before the production started and everything (what little they needed) was packed for the trip they were taking tomorrow. (Which was so very different from the one their classmates were on.) Ino shifted, the silk of her dress clinging to her as she moved, and tried to think if there was anything she’d forgotten.

She studied herself in the hand mirror, touching up a bit of lipstick, before glancing at Zack.

“Almost ready?” she asked, though, of course, Zack had far less to do to get ready, when it came to dressing up for a night out.

Or perhaps she was asking about tomorrow and what that would bring.

[NFB. For the one mentioned, though open for phonecalls.]
intraspective: (civilian)
Ino had felt—good, stable, all the way out of Fandom, off the island, and into Midgar, which was her own home now (and that was something she still had to remind herself of), even while they stopped to let her change into her uniform.

It was only as Zack pressed a kiss to her cheek, in the lobby of the ShinRa building and headed off for his own orders, that Ino felt the clawing uncertainty come back.

Talk to the receptionist, she’d been told. Ino could do that, though she despised walking into a situation blind. It was a comfort, at the least, that she already had her uniform, her I.D. , and that she was supposed to be here, so far as anyone was concerned.

That didn’t mean she wasn’t nervous, still, underneath the cool demeanour. This was her first time, after all, on the job, in this capacity. Her hair was down, flowing in careful waves down her back and her shoulders were straight as she approached the mission--reception desk.

“Excuse me?”

And Ino ignored the creeping panic that reminded her she had no idea of what else to say.

[NFB, please! For them that're in the building.]
intraspective: (unsure)
It was stupid, right?

That she was standing outside the door to her room, their room, and fidgeting and hadn’t yet found the bravery to go in. Stupid stupid stupid. It was her room, Zack was in there, and he was the one person who she was never uneasy about being in his presence.

And yet. She was still standing outside the door, shifting from foot-to-foot in a suit she’d slipped off-island that morning to pick up. A new identity, a new direction to head in after school was over. It brought peace of mind to her, right now, even though she knew the future would be hard. There was a card in her pocket, a new piece of I.D., with a name she’d chosen on Tuesday.

It was—this was—something huge. But just to her.

And to him.

Ino took a deep breath, spent an extra moment making extra sure she was still neat and tidy in her new suit, her new shoes, her new self because Ino knew that the suit was only the outward marking of a Turk and that this job would claim her for its own, and then pushed open the door, stepped inside, and shut it. All silently, all in seconds.

“Zack?” she said, after a breathless moment of something not unlike fear, while he did squats, his back to the door. He hadn’t noticed her.

Not until she’d spoken.

[For the puppy, zomg, and NFB, plz!]
intraspective: (stare)
Being back in Fandom was a peculiar… sort of disconnect.

Ino was curled up on hers and Zack’s pushed together beds and pretending to read. Which was rather futile because she knew it was pretence and so it would have been more productive to actually do something…

But she didn’t really feel like it. There were a lot of things she had to think on, but those thoughts felt almost like she was clinging to broken glass in her hands, and that hurt.

Like a toothache, however, she couldn’t quite stop poking at them. Even when doing so only hurt things more.

And, turn the page. Keeping up appearances, even just to herself, was important.

She was supposed to be reading. Would claim to be reading.

But her gaze wasn't on the book.

[Open door and post!]
intraspective: (laughter)
Ino laughed.

Perched up on a wooden fence, elbows on her knees and her chin propped up in her hands, she watched with bright, rested, eyes as Zack was walked again through the basic steps to walk up a tree.

It was a skill, truly, that wasn't usually taught to those who hadn't gone through the Academy, but her father had decreed that he was going to learn a few things, or so help him, and while she was supportive in the sense that she'd give him theory…

Well, when it came to watching his practical attempts, Ino tended to dissolve into giggles. (Truly, he wasn't doing so badly for someone who, a week and a half ago hadn't known chakra from dirt, but…)

"You've got to keep your eyes open while moving," she called helpfully, before cracking up again.

[NFB, for ze puppy, mmm gratuitous timewarpiness.]
intraspective: (gazing down thoughtfully)
The trip to Konoha had been blissfully uneventful and a tension that Ino hadn't even been aware of drained away as the day had gone on, which almost, but did not quite, eradicate the peculiar feeling that she was on vacation in truth and not… home.

It was nice to see her parents, however, and Ino pretended that she didn't notice the way her mother frowned at her appearance or the glances over her head between them (at seventeen, Ino was resigned to never getting to be taller than they were) and concentrated on enjoying just being at the shop and explaining to Zack what each flower was and what it meant when combined with other flowers.

That was a topic that kept her well entertained until supper, wherein the talk had turned to more general matters and Ino found herself trying to stifle yawns over her rice. Zack's dietary habits earned her a raised eyebrow, when Zack wasn't looking, but were handled otherwise without comment for which Ino was grateful for.

All the gratefulness in the world, however, was going to keep her awake long once they'd retired from the table to the living room and had settled themselves on the couch. It wasn't more than a few minutes before she was fast asleep.

And that, all unknown to Ino, was when her father set his tea down on the coffee table and gave her boyfriend a blue-eyed glance that verged on hostile.

"So," he said, "my daughter."

[NFB, for ze puppy, la la la!]
intraspective: (stare)
Little changed in the hospital room overnight. The girl slept, the boy slept, and machines continued their monitoring—more to be safe than out of true need for them—and if the nurses came by to check on them (but always careful not to wake them) a little more often than necessary…

Well, there was nothing wrong with that, was there?

And in this manner, time passed until morning.

[For ze puppy. NFB due to distance.]

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