intraspective | Room 504, Tuesday Morning

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Room 504, Tuesday Morning

After first period Ino was back in her room, sprawled on her bed, and carefully making notes on how best to poison Logan-sensei for class on Thursday.

What? He’d pretty much told her to. Ino was only listening to his instructions.

And, well, playing with poisons was an excellent thing to focus her fury on.

...in her opinion anyway.

[Expecting one, but open. ETA: ...I know what day it is. Really. ^^;;]

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He was lying, see? Giving up, going away, leaving her behind again.

Lying, lying, lying.

You didn't give up if you really cared. Didn't stop, didn't do that.

Lying.

Ino shook her head rapidly, though whether from her thoughts or from his words she wouldn't be able to say but everything was wrong and...

Wrong.

The headshake caught his eye and he stopped.

"You... don't want me to go?"

He breathed out.

"Ino, tell me what you want. Do you want me to live in my room, locked up, never risking myself, never talking to anyone else but you? If that's what you want, fine.

"I'll do it. But if you don't tell me, I don't know what to do."

How did you say what was wrong when the something that was wrong was wrong in and of itself?

Or was it? Was it wrong to want to be the number one for somebody? Anybody? To be allowed to come first?

...but she hadn't. That couldn't be changed. And, and, she couldn't say something like 'yes, only talk to me' because that wasn't fair or right and was so very wrong but there was a part of her that wanted it just for the security and...

It was wrong. No getting around that. Wrong, wrong, wrong. And she didn't even care with most the people he talked to. Just the one, because she'd had to come last, after that.

An afterthought.

Ino burst into tears.

Oh fuck it. If she killed him, at least he'd go out feeling useful.

She was his sister and he'd obviously done something terribly wrong and now she was crying and tears burned, so instead of trying reason anymore he just pulled her into his arms and hugged her close and hoped, prayed (he didn't even know who it might be) that she'd understand.

"Oh, Ino."

She put up no resistance to the hug, but nor did she respond to it.

Ino hated crying, hated the way it stuffed her head, the way that the tears felt on her skin, the way it always left her feeling exhausted and stupid and...

It was so weak. She didn't want to be weak, but the tears kept coming.

Liir, for his part, didn't move. He just held her and kissed her hair and was content to be there since he'd failed in such a simple task earlier.

Eventually her tears slowed, and she felt even worse than she'd started out as.

This, too, was a lie--right? Because she was right here, and there was nothing else he could do if he wanted to keep lying.

It wasn't fair. Always losing out.

She sniffled, one hand going up to swipe at her eyes.

He kissed her hair again.

But didn't do anything else.

She pulled away from him. "...you've got class soon, don't you?"

She just sounded tired now.

"It wouldn't matter if I did," he told her with a shrug.

Liar.

Ino shook her head slightly, letting her breath out with a sigh. "Whatever."

"I'll stay if you want. It's up to you. I'm not going to try and figure things out because I always get it wrong, so tell me what you want and I'll do it."

"Do what you like," she said, turning away from him. "Do what you want to do. I've got no say."

He just stared at her.

"One," he said slowly, "every time anyone ever says that, it means they have something they want you to do but they want to see what you do and they'll judge you on it.

"Or watch you fall on your ass.

"Two, how you can think you have no say... Ino, I don't even understand. I don't even understand how you can think--how? How, Ino?"

"You go on and on and on about words meaning more than anything else," she said, not looking at him and curling up on her bed. "Actions speak more to me though."

And actions said that she came last, after, not first.

"Do want you want."

"And because I thought you could handle yourself, as you always insist to me, you think I considered you last?"

He actually looked... a little annoyed.

"The radio mentioned nothing about anything happening to you," he said slowly, "I know. I listened. And I did nothing but stay in my room trying to make something for you all yesterday. And because someone else was there with me--"

He was actually shaking.

"The only person I put Amber in front was me because everyone is more important than me. And I did much more dangerous, and much more damaging when you were taken by the stone angels. I was recovering for over a week from that asylum and I'd do it again without a thought for you.

"If you've made up your mind, then there's not a damn thing I guess I can do about it. But it is your action, not mine."

Edited 2008-06-25 02:03 (UTC)

Ino looked down.

It was stupid, she knew it was stupid, knew that it couldn't end well, but what came out of her mouth was, "Amber's blonde."

And blue-eyed.

And nicer than she'd ever be.

Really, it wasn't--shouldn't--be that surprising that he'd go looking for a replacement.

"...and?"

Yeah, he wasn't getting it. Not in the least.

Less annoyed, more confused.

It took her even longer this time to decide if she wanted to continue down her list.

"...blue eyes too."

He looked at Ino for a moment before--

Before--

Oh, it can't be this ridiculous!

"But she didn't come get me when I was curled up in my room content to wither and die. Nor did she threaten to kill Andrew for hurting me. Nor do I trust her to handle me when I'm feeling peckish or angry or sullen. She didn't come with me to see the Queen of the O.Z. Nor does she teach me how to defend myself. And I seriously doubt she'd take the news that I've jammed a bundle of pain and misery down a man's brainpipe well at all."

He leaned so as to look her in the face.

"She, as much as I like her, and as blue as her eyes may be and as blond as her hair might be... is not my sister. And I wouldn't want her to be."

His smile was rather wry and more than a little tired.

"She's far too nice for me. You should know that."

Edited 2008-06-25 02:27 (UTC)

Ino looked rather mutinous by the end of that list, but said nothing.

It didn't matter, really.

Feelings didn't answer to any sort of logic.

"I guess."

"I know. It's one of the very few things I know."

She just shrugged, staring at her hands.

And he settled down where he was to wait until she gave him more to work with.

Ino eyed him for a long, long few moments.

"...what?"

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